big reminders come in small packages

when you're five years old and just learning to read and write, tasks such as making a birthday card for your dad can become daunting.  i know. i experienced it this afternoon. 

today was the boy's dad's birthday and they wanted to make cards - so we got out the paper, crayons and markers and were well on our way to making birthday cards.  jordan made several attempts before he became so frustrated that his little eyes filled up with tears as he put down his markers and exclaimed, in a very frustrated manor "i can't do it.  it's supposed to be perfect. he's not gonna like it.".  i had encouraged him from his first attempt - "it's ok! we have plenty of paper!"..."try again, kiddo."... "your daddy isn't even going to notice that! he's gonna love it, buddy".  nothing was helping.  he had just messed up his 4th card and he was completely distraught over the fact that his many attempts were just not good enough (by his measures).  so, i sat trevor, who was in my lap, in his own chair and invited jordan to sit with me. i told him not to cry and i assured him that his daddy was going to love his card.  "it's ok if you mess up. it doesn't have to be perfect. your daddy is going to love it because it's from you." i told him.  he wiped his eyes, and flashed a quick smile.  "your dad is going to be so excited that you took the time to make him a card that he's not even going to notice that you messed up." "yes he will." jordan said "well, kiddo, do you think he's going to love your card because it's perfect, because you used the right colors and wrote the words in a straight line or do you think he's going to love it because it's from you?." "because it's from me" he said softly as he slipped out of my lap and back into his chair "can i try one more time?" "of course!" i said as i handed him another sheet of paper and i sat there and realized that those words were just as much for my ears as they were jordan's. 

see, i have such a horrible habit of trying to make sure everything is just right before i offer anything to my Heavenly Father.  was i ugly to my husband today? did i speak to him out of anger?  did i get frustrated with the boys at work?  did i forget to do (or just not do) what i said i would do?  yes? well, then God probably doesn't want anything to do with me today.  what i did, what i have, it's not good enough. i messed up.  but just as i reminded jordan today that his dad wouldn't care if what he had to give him was perfect, i was reminded that my Father must feel the same way. i was reminded that he is delighted when i (of all people!) have anything to offer him ....my worries. my hopes. my fears. my dreams. my stress. my time. he doesn't want a perfect me. he just wants me.  simply because he loves me. simply because i am his. not because what i have to offer is perfect. not because i am perfect but simply because he loves me. (he loves me.)

i long to really understand that - why, and how he loves me.  but i know that he does, and i know that he wants what tiny bit i have to give him, simply because i am his...simply because he loves me.